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I Used To Blame Everyone Else

Do you ever get frustrated? Annoyed by life and its problems? Do you tend to blame everyone else for your problems? Maybe you keep remembering and reliving times from your childhood, and it’s still affecting your life, your career, your health or your relationships even today. Maybe your partner left you and your relationship with your kids has been affected, or you were made redundant and haven’t found another job yet.

For years I used to blame others whenever anything didn’t go to plan in my life and it left me feeling frustrated and stuck. I’d say things like ‘My rough childhood wasn’t my fault, it was my parents’ of course, and it affected so many things for me’. I felt like I couldn’t be a good parent because I didn’t know how. My parents never taught me! It felt like there was nothing I could do and it wasn’t my fault. I’d blame the traffic and bad drivers for making me late to work. I’d blame my neighbours for putting me in a bad mood with their loud music and disrespectful attitude. I’d blame the guy at the coffee shop for messing up my morning because he got my order wrong.

Noticing excuses

I used to rely on the things that went wrong for me and use them as excuses for not sorting out my life. When I started a new job that wasn’t exactly what was advertised, I made myself and everyone around me miserable by telling them all the time. “This isn’t what I signed up for” I’d say, and “That’s not supposed to be part of my job”. It got to the point where I hated going to work every day and the people I worked with weren’t that happy about me being there either, even the ones I’d been friendly with at the beginning of the job.

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Once I became unhappy at work, it started affecting my relationships at home too. I was grumpy all the time and my family just didn’t want to be around me. I tried to tell them that it wasn’t my fault, it was my job, but of course that didn’t solve anything. Even when I tried to just relax and have fun on the weekends, I’d find some reason why I couldn’t even do that.

It wasn’t only at work that I would find someone else to blame. It was everything that went wrong that I felt wasn’t my fault. If the car ran out of petrol, I’d blame whoever used it last. If my son missed the school bus, of course it was the bus drivers fault. If I ran short of money one week, I’d blame the bills.

Baby steps

I started to realise though, that the one thing in common with everything going wrong in my life was me. I had always wanted everything else to change but I began to see that if I wanted things to change, then maybe I would have to change. Being upset with the world was costing me too much in my relationship with my child, my work and even my health. The more I thought about it from this perspective, the more I saw that there were probably things I could do or ways I could view things differently that would help. And that’s when things started to change for the better.

Do you want help with Sadness, Procrastination, Self-Sabotage, Confidence or Motivation?

The reality was, I had hit a limit. I was causing too much pain for me and for the people around me and I had to try a different approach. To be honest, I started small. Every time I noticed that I was blaming someone or something else for my problem, I stopped and asked myself a question: “What could I have done differently that would have led to a different outcome?” At first it wasn’t easy. I automatically wanted to say “Nothing of course, it wasn’t my fault”, but the more I practised the better I got at taking responsibility for the challenging moments in my life.

Car ran out of fuel? I could have paid attention to the fuel gauge myself when I got in. My son missed the bus? I will set the alarm 10 minutes earlier tomorrow. The interesting thing was, the less I blamed other people, the more I started to feel in control of my life and the more I took on responsibility for things, the more I could actually change. I started feeling a whole lot better about life and so did my family, my friends and my colleagues 🙂

What people are saying about Emotion Academy:

"After many years of training, courses, and counselling in various forms I thought I had certain aspects of my life sorted. Yet completing Emotion Academy showed me that I had been running away from my emotions and not facing them. After Emotion Academy, now I have the tools to engage with myself and win the internal battles once and for all - Neil Welsh, Victoria

How to take responsibility

For me, a big part of learning not to blame so much and enjoy being more in control of my life, was discovering how to understand and lead my emotions a whole lot better. Managing my emotions made it so much simpler to manage my behaviours. You see, there was one thing that I was right about; my childhood and the fact that I never learnt about emotion growing up. Most of us don’t. But when I asked myself, “Even though it’s already happened, how can I take responsibility for how I react now?” my whole perspective changed.

The most valuable thing I have ever taken responsibility for and stopped blaming others for is my emotions, and how I react to things in my life. Finding some help and learning how to clear the slate of some emotions from the past like anger, fear and guilt was a huge step towards truly feeling like I had grown up and was confident to lead my own life and stop worrying about what others “should” have done or be doing. These days I can focus on myself in a lot more positive and productive way.

In the past I used to have all my focus on the things outside of myself and become upset that there were so few things I could control. I avoided looking to myself for the solutions and because of this I struggled to get ahead in life. I was limiting myself to only that which others could do until I transformed blame into responsibility and managed how I felt. That’s when I began to enjoy life again.

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Melisa Grigg - Head Coach & Trainer

Melisa was stuck in sadness for 15 years, hated her job, was overweight and her relationship had just ended. Melisa inspires people with her story and now teaches how she sorted her life out. She worked out how to be happy and how to lose over 30kg of body weight.  In simple steps she teaches how you can stop procrastinating, find confidence, stop being so sad and finally start to find true meaning and purpose in your life.

You got this!

For me, it’s no longer about everything going right or taking fault for all the things that don’t. These days I don’t get so frustrated and angry at others or at myself. I just look at everything as feedback that I can learn and grow from. You can start with baby steps like I did, even just one thing a day and building on your successes by celebrating each one.

It can be tough breaking patterns of behaviour that have been around for a long time. If I said it was easy, that wouldn’t be exactly accurate. I’ve been fortunate to have some great people and support around me. If you can find good people to have around you that build you up and encourage the best in you, then you will have a huge head start.

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