I used to feel alone almost all the time. Even in public.You know that saying “lonely in a crowd”? That was how I felt. Have you ever felt that when you’re by yourself, you just don’t feel content? Even if you’re an introvert like I am, even though you might like to have your own space, sometimes it can feel lonely. Have you ever been out to dinner with friends, a family gathering or hanging out in the break room at work,
Mornings for me used to be hitting the snooze button and trying to stay in bed as long as possible, fantasising about how life could’ve been. That was way easier than facing the day. I just wanted to escape the monotony of getting up, going to work, going home, watching TV and going to bed.
I remember there being certain moments in my life that I could’ve made a change and I didn’t.
Do you find yourself getting irritable for almost no reason? Or do you find yourself suddenly feeling down without knowing why? If you are feeling these emotions and you don’t know the reasons behind them, don’t think that you’re losing your grip. There are a lot of factors that can influence going through an emotional roller coaster ride, and sometimes, these factors go by unnoticed.
It wasn’t like I wanted to be cranky.
I was lucky I guess. I had an amazing family growing up. I had everything. Well, not everything I ever wanted, we weren’t super rich, but we weren’t poor either. I grew up in the country. I had a yard to play in, I had enough clothes to wear, I could go to the movies and out bowling. We had dinner on the table every night. I had parents who loved me, and I had an older brother to teach me.
We all feel regret at some stage in life….
The way the relationship ended, or not approaching someone you are interested in, regretting saying something to a friend or partner, missed opportunities in your career, not looking after your health better.
Regret is when we have “what if’s” when we believe what we look back on in certain moments and situations as having been bad choices. We can also regret feelings,
It’s that feeling that things are not quite right, like more things go wrong than not. It’s not a deep sadness, just a ‘down’ feeling. Dissatisfied with life and the cards you’ve been dealt, underwhelmed by your career, health or relationship. A feeling like you’re just going through the motions of getting up, going to work, going home and sleeping, then doing it all over again. Almost like living life in black and white rather than technicolour.
Do you cry easily? Does it feel like the tears are just under the surface, waiting to erupt, or fall silently when you get in trouble at work or when something doesn’t go the way you’ve planned? Maybe you get angry quickly & snap at work colleagues or worse, your family & friends? What about guilt? Do you feel guilty about all the little things, missing a birthday, forgetting someone’s name? The thing is, over time these emotions can stack up and sit there,
So there I was, sitting miserable, on my couch. For years, I’d been doing my absolute best to do well in life. I had made every effort, I’d tried everything, but nothing had ever worked out. I was single. I was lonely. I didn’t feel there was anybody I could turn to, so I isolated myself. That way I could prove to myself that no one cared.
Nobody cared. Nobody loved me. There was no way out.
So you’re probably in a place where you’re not sure who to trust. And who am I? I’m nobody. I’m sitting in front of you and telling you a story about how I used to be. And who are you to believe that? Cause seriously you get told stories every day. And people tell you stuff everyday and say this is how I used to be or try to spin the story but all I can say is that I was there and it took a long time for somebody to come along who said to me the thing that made a difference to me.