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How I Created My Dream Life

The magazines, movies, advertisements weren’t exactly telling the truth. I thought that if I drank their drink I’d be happy. If I wore certain clothes I’d get the man of my dreams, or if I followed a certain diet I’d lose weight. I grew up believing that I could have the dream relationship, get married, have children, live in a beautiful home in a prestigious suburb, be the perfect weight and have a fulfilling career while holidaying in beautiful locations. And most of all, I believed I would be happy then. All I had to do was to go to school, go to university and get a job. The rest would just fall into place. If I just did what everyone else did then I would get there.

As I grew older I noticed that my life wasn’t turning out quite like I thought it would. I wasn’t happy. In fact more often I felt sad or lonely. I wasn’t confident and struggled talking to people. It was a slow progression of dreaming and hoping. I would watch a movie and hope I could be happy. I would go to a party and hope I would blend in, be accepted and find someone to talk to. Everytime I went out socially I hoped I would meet my soulmate and it didn’t happen. I hoped I would be recognised in my career and be successful. I would dream of what my life would be life when I turned 30 and I hoped that I was on track for the picture I had. As each week, month and year passed I continued to hope and dream.

I reached a point in my life when I realised that all my hoping wasn’t working. I had a great job (my dream job) but I wasn’t happy. My bank account was in debt and getting worse (not better!). I was engaged but not happy in my relationship and I was overweight and not happy within myself. My life was not where I thought it would be. I had to do something but had no idea what. I read self-help books, personal development books and watched inspirational YouTube videos which gave me hope that things could get better but it didn’t lead to any significant change. One day my life took a turn and only years later would I see how significant one small act can be. How one stone thrown into a pond can cause a ripple of moments that add up to a change in direction, and in a more fulfilling and healthy way than I ever could have dreamed.

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It started with me recognising that I had to do something, and that it had to be more than sitting back and being passive. I had to notice and accept what wasn’t working. I remember hearing someone talk about taking responsibility and at the time I realised that I wasn’t really taking responsibility for myself and creating what I really wanted. I would leave so many things to chance and wishful thinking.

Acceptance

I went to a workshop on real estate with my family and while I wasn’t really interested in the topics discussed, there was another person attending that caught my attention. He seemed so confident and would go up and talk to different people in every break. He laughed easily, and even looked to be having serious conversations from time to time. He seemed engaging to talk to. I was so shy but desperately wanted to be like him. When I was growing up, I had noticed people time and time again talking to other people confidently, laughing easily and building friendships. I struggled so much with talking to people.

At the next lunch break before I knew what I was doing, I stood up and walked over to this guy I’d been watching. I tapped him on the shoulder and said ‘Hi’. I didn’t know what to do next and to this day I can’t believe I actually went up to him. He turned around and smiled and said ‘Hi’ back. He asked if I wanted to join him for lunch, I said ‘Yes’. We found a café and he asked me what my story was. I felt so comfortable with him that just I started talking about where I was at in my life and how nothing I was doing was making sense. I told him that my relationship was over, my job wasn’t fulfilling and what I had tried so far had worked. I hadn’t lost weight or become more confident, more happy or fulfilled. I felt as if I had tried everything. I said that I had noticed that all my ‘hoping’ that things would turn out alright over the last 10 years or more hadn’t worked and I was scared. I was scared of continuing to hope and not get anywhere but didn’t know what to do.

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It was in that moment, that I accepted that hoping hadn’t worked. It was a moment of sharing with someone I had just met, talking about how I didn’t really know what I was doing in my life. In that that moment of vulnerability, something shifted and changed in me. He smiled and said that he understood, that he had been in a similar place himself. He said that it would take some work but that I could change my thinking, have more control over creating and feeling emotions within myself rather than looking to food, another person or a career to make me happy. I could be happy first and then choose what I wanted.

Trust Yourself

Hope is putting your trust in something outside of yourself. I had been putting my trust in a lot of other people, like my parents, the media, my friends and work colleagues to guide me towards what I wanted. But I hadn’t realised that really they were also working it out for themselves. I had to learn about myself, who I was and how I made decisions. I had to learn the A,B,C’s behind why I did what I did so that I could make more healthy, educated decisions. I also had to work out what I wanted.

He talked about our subconscious mind, the part of us that does things automatically, without thinking, like brushing our teeth, walking, blinking, tying our shoelaces. We don’t think about those behaviours anymore because they are automatic. So we can be thinking consciously about something completely different, like what we will be doing at work tomorrow while brushing our teeth. He went on to explain that each thought we have creates a picture in this part of our mind.

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"After many years of training, courses, and counselling in various forms I thought I had certain aspects of my life sorted. Yet completing Emotion Academy showed me that I had been running away from my emotions and not facing them. After Emotion Academy, now I have the tools to engage with myself and win the internal battles once and for all - Neil Welsh, Victoria

He asked me to close my eyes and tell him the colour of my first car. I did, and noticed that I knew it straight away. He explained that in order for me to know that colour I had to create a picture super fast. He asked me if I could picture my home and bed and asked me how certain I was that it was my home and bed. I said I was 100% certain of it. He asked me how certain I was that I could have a loving relationship, or the health I desired or a career that was fulfilling. I said that I wasn’t certain anymore. I didn’t have a clear picture of any of these things.

Create Clear Pictures

He said that having a clear picture of what you want helps you to get it. He explained that you still have to do something, that there was more involved, but the first step to getting beyond just hoping, was to create clear and definite pictures of what you want. He said that the book Think & Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill was an excellent place to start and it explains how important it is to be definite, clear, concise and certain and to take responsibility for the pictures you are creating in the direction of what you want. He said that he had met many elite athletes who attributed much of their success to the pictures that they created. They didn’t think of the hard work. They focused on successfully completing their goal, of the picture or ‘photo’ of successfully completing their goal and it made it so much easier to put in the time and the work to get there.

If I could actually see myself in the picture and then step into it and see through my own eyes completing the goal, really see and feel what it is like to be in the moment of successfully completing what I set out to achieve, the steps leading up to the goal would seem easier. I would still need to put effort in, and keeping sight of the finish, the celebration was just as important as the steps to get there. The athletes he had spoken to spent time each night playing through this photo, living it, feeling it as if it had already happened.

Your mind doesn’t know the difference between what you imagine in your minds eye and what’s real and happening in the external world. This means that by harnessing the power of your imagination you can help create the pathway to successfully achieving all you desire. The difference between just imagining and actually getting it, is that you will need to do some work in the direction of your goal.

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Melisa Grigg - Head Coach & Trainer

Melisa was stuck in sadness for 15 years, hated her job, was overweight and her relationship had just ended. Melisa inspires people with her story and now teaches how she sorted her life out. She worked out how to be happy and how to lose over 30kg of body weight.  In simple steps she teaches how you can stop procrastinating, find confidence, stop being so sad and finally start to find true meaning and purpose in your life.

Start Small

I started small by simply getting really clear about what I wanted. I’d create a vivid picture for it and really associate myself to the picture, imagining what I would feel like, what I could see, hear and then I would smile. Then I would get started. I wanted to enjoy exercise. I had learnt more about emotions and how to be happy internally and I wanted to make changes to my physical health.

I began by asking my friend for help in learning how to run consistently and he introduced me to the ‘bouncy walk’ or jogging slowly for just 5 minutes a day for 6 months. I thought this was too slow and taking a long time, but I stuck with it and before long I looked forward to my daily jog. After 6 months of consistent jogging daily I started increasing the distance easily. Within a year I was running 30 minutes a day easily, having fun and feeling healthier than ever.

The key wasn’t the jogging though. It was that after each jog I would celebrate! I’d dance and cheer and celebrate completing the run. Not a small pat on the back, but more like a massive celebration as if I’d just won a marathon. I would be playful and fun and cheer for myself. I started looking forward to running everyday even when it was raining, cold or dark. In fact, I celebrate even more on those days.

Looking back now, all those moments added up. The moment I realised I wasn’t happy and talked to someone. The moment I found someone who had been there before and the moment I got the courage to ask what they did. I listened and did what he suggested. I trusted and jumped right in. I celebrated every single moment of successes, no matter how small and they’ve all added up over time. Taking action can be as small as just one moment. One realisation, one decision, one celebration, one step at a time. The more tiny moments you can keep adding over time, the easier it becomes to get from here to where you want to be.

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