We have helped 1000's of people over the last 10 years. We can help you too!

Would you like to subscribe to our blog?

Blog Opt-In 01: Top (Horizontal)

Blog Opt-In 01: Top (Horizontal)

Sending

Blog Opt-In 01: Top (Vertical)

Blog Opt-In 01: Top (Vertical)

Geolocation (Hidden Fields)

Sending

I give permission to receive weekly articles and other information from Emotion Academy

Can’t Make Decisions?

For years I suffered from this problem. “I don’t mind” “What do you want to do?” “No, you decide”. Have you ever been around one of those people, or, are you one yourself? Being so indecisive that you just never make a decision.

I used to suffer from this infliction, which frustrated my friends and family, but most of all, it frustrated me. It meant that I never actually got to do what it was that I wanted to do. It meant that I often didn’t get to see the movie I wanted to see, or eat at the restaurant I wanted to eat at. But it also meant that I didn’t get the projects I would have preferred at work, or that my relationship didn’t really progress in the way I wanted it to.

I remember a time when I was on a second date with someone who I found really interesting. But I wasn’t able to make one decision during the date. We met after work, and he asked me where I would like to go for dinner. My response was something like “I don’t mind, you decide”. He took me to a Japanese style tapas restaurant, and I do not like sushi or sashimi, or anything like that. So, I ended up ordering the only thing on the menu I thought I might like, which was a fried chicken dish. My date had ordered traditional Japaneses dishes to share and it was obvious that I didn’t want to try any of it. I was so embarrassed, not because I wasn’t a fan of Japanese food, but that I didn’t speak up and let my date know that I didn’t like Japanese food.

lisa-sidebar-2

Would you like to subscribe to our blog?

Blog Opt-In 02: Middle & Bottom

Blog Opt-In 02: Middle & Bottom

Geolocation (Hidden Fields)

Sending

Get 3 Months Free Training. Limited Time Only!

I felt really silly that I let my people pleasing, inability to speak up, get me into this situation. My date was embarrassed too; he felt bad that he’d taken me to a restaurant with a cuisine that I didn’t like, but it wasn’t his fault at all.

What was the real underlying reason for being indecisive?

But what was the real underlying reason for all this indecisiveness? It could be different for everyone. It could be that you’re a great big people pleaser. It could be that you really don’t mind what you do, and happy for someone else to decide. Or, deep down underneath, it could be because you don’t want to feel rejected, which is what it was for me.

I thought that if I made a decision that other people didn’t like, they wouldn’t like me and wouldn’t invite me again. Or that they’d override what I wanted to do and do something else, and then I’d feel stupid and rejected. Or if i made the “wrong” decision, that people would judge me.

Do you want help with Sadness, Procrastination, Self-Sabotage, Confidence or Motivation?

Another place I used to do this was at work. I remember on one occasion, there was a project coming up that I was really interested in. When the boss presented it to the team, asking us who wanted to manage it, one of my colleagues put their hand up. In my team, if two people are interested in the same project, they have the option of presenting why they should be the preferred project manager for that project. My boss asked if anyone wanted to challenge Sarah, and I really wanted to. I had the specific expertise to successfully complete the project and I knew I would be able to achieve it in a shorter time frame than was allocated. But I paused for too long, and my boss declared that Sarah got the project.

I was so disappointed in myself. I didn’t take the opportunity in the moment to step up and speak for myself, and it resulted in me not being able to achieve the best outcome for my company. Sarah did a great job, of course, but I knew if I’d put my hand up, I would have been able to complete the project equally as well as Sarah, if not better, and in a shorter time which would have saved the company money.

How I learned to make decisions quickly

At the time, I didn’t realise the underlying problem was that I might feel judged or that people wouldn’t like me, or the biggest one for me, the feeling of being rejected. I had to do some work on myself to work that out, and I discovered some methods out of being this way, because it really wasn’t working for me.

What people are saying about Emotion Academy:

"After many years of training, courses, and counselling in various forms I thought I had certain aspects of my life sorted. Yet completing Emotion Academy showed me that I had been running away from my emotions and not facing them. After Emotion Academy, now I have the tools to engage with myself and win the internal battles once and for all - Neil Welsh, Victoria

One of the things I learned to do was, what I call the 3 second rule. Within 3 seconds of someone asking a decision question, I would answer with something other than, ‘I don’t mind’ or “You decide”, or “Whatever you’d like to do”. I started with a very small decision, like “Which movie would you like to see?” 1 second… 2 seconds… “Aquaman”. Sometimes, I’d get the answer wrong for myself, I’d actually make the wrong decision, because I wasn’t prepared for the question. But I was following my rule which was to say something, anything that was making a decision. In those times that I’d say the wrong answer, I’d quickly correct myself with something I actually preferred.

“Aquaman… Actually, I remember a friend already told me the ending of Aquaman, how about Toy Story instead?”. I found out that it didn’t really matter if the person agreed with me or not. It would just generate a conversation and most of the time, in the end we’d both get what we wanted.

I started making mental lists of things I liked to do, restaurants I like to eat at and movies I wanted to see, so that when a question came up again, “Where should we go out to eat tonight?” 1, 2.. “I’d like to go out for Mexican food”. “What do you want to do tonight?”. “How about we go do that hike we’ve been talking about?”. It didn’t matter if my partner didn’t feel like going for a hike that night, he’d suggest something else and we’d talk about it, but I felt like I was contributing.

It gave me more sense of empowerment, that I was able to really participate in my interactions with my friends, family and loved ones. I stopped minding if people didn’t want to do the things I wanted to do. Nobody would be upset with me if I said something they weren’t interested in.  Just like the time I went for Japanese, my date would have been fine if I’d suggested Italian or Indian food. We would have found something we could both enjoy.

12189775_971454386226002_8968310333194739900_n

Melisa Grigg - Head Coach & Trainer

Melisa was stuck in sadness for 15 years, hated her job, was overweight and her relationship had just ended. Melisa inspires people with her story and now teaches how she sorted her life out. She worked out how to be happy and how to lose over 30kg of body weight.  In simple steps she teaches how you can stop procrastinating, find confidence, stop being so sad and finally start to find true meaning and purpose in your life.

Or at times, it also meant that I’d do the thing I wanted to do by myself, or with someone else. If I wanted to go on a hike one weekend and my boyfriend wanted to go and watch the rugby, he’d do that and I’d go on a hike.

As I got more confident in doing this, I was able to do it more easily with bigger decisions and in other areas of life. I started using the same rule at work. At a team meeting when a new project was presented and put on offer, I’d still use the 3 second rule, but I’d use it more carefully. Rather than saying a clear Yes or No and risk being stuck with having made a wrong decision, I’d ask for a few minutes to think about it. Then I’d quickly map out whether the project was right for me and if it was, I’d put my case forward. I realised that even if I didn’t get picked for the project, it didn’t mean that I was rejected. It meant that my skills would be better utilised elsewhere.

Of course, sometimes it’s great to be flexible and go with the flow, meaning sometimes when I want to go on a hike, instead I’ll go to the rugby with my partner. But now I also allow myself to have a say and voice my opinion, and then come to a decision. My indecisive nature was negatively affecting every area of my life so I really wanted to make that change and I’m so happy that I worked out how!

lisa-sidebar-2

Would you like to subscribe to our blog?

Blog Opt-In 02: Middle & Bottom

Blog Opt-In 02: Middle & Bottom

Geolocation (Hidden Fields)

Sending

Get 3 Months Free Training. Limited Time Only!