I thought discipline was a dirty word. It’s what happened when I did the wrong thing as a kid ‘when you get disciplined’ and told off… Ugh… It seemed hard to stick at things sometimes (ok, so I used to think it was hard to stick at things all the time!). I had bad habits, things that I did that were unhealthy in my relationship, in my career and in my health. I’d overthink them and tell myself that I would change them tomorrow,
Can you remember a time when you were really little? Maybe you were 3 or 4 years old. You had simple needs. You just wanted to play and have others play with you. You wanted some comfort and to feel loved and cared for. I liked climbing trees and playing dress ups. I also liked eating strawberry ice-cream and I really didn’t like being tickled. I didn’t really notice if I was naked or had clothes on,
Real confidence is more than an emotion. It’s about a way of being. I used to think that some people were just born confident or had a really amazing childhood filled with positive affirmations from those around them, and that’s how they grew into confident adults. I personally couldn’t remember ever feeling confident in my life and I used to believe that I never would because “that’s just who I am”. If you’ve ever lacked confidence in any area of life,
Have you ever noticed a pattern in your relationships? Or maybe the fact that you’re not in a relationship but you want to be? Do you self-sabotage and stuff things up before they can get real and intimate? Or do you stop the relationship before it’s even started and find reasons not to date? Is your list of personal attributes for a partner super high, super detailed and possibly impossible for anyone to achieve? Even after you “find the one” do you still find things to criticise or ways to ensure they are continuously proving their love for you?
Have you ever got to the end of the year and felt drained, burnt out and generally in need of a holiday? But then life just keeps rolling along and before you know it, it’s a new year and everyone is already talking about their goals for the next year ahead. For years I would just push through and keep going, sometimes working through holidays that were important to me, like Christmas, Birthdays and New Year Celebrations or other times where I could have been connecting with family and friends,
Do you get emotional over the holidays? Feel stressed, overwhelmed, drained of your energy? Do you finish the year feeling like you need a real break? There’s a lot going on at this time of year, and so many demands on your time, attention and energy. It’s no wonder many people don’t get so excited about the holidays. It might even seem that expectations are high and that you need to do so much in so little time.
Do you feel lonely? Do you want to feel more connected? Many people feel lonely, or are searching for that sense of belonging to a group that resonates with them. Sometimes it’s that there have been some major life changes happening and they’ve let go of their past relationships, friendships or groups where they used to feel comfortable, and now they might not be sure where they belong anymore. Sometimes it’s that they’ve grown beyond their current groups and are looking for something different than where they’ve been before,
I used to think that there was something wrong with me and I felt as if everyone was staring at me all the time. I was so shy and I felt embarrassed of who I was. I felt as if in order for me to be able to be around others or interact in social situations, that I needed to be someone else. I would work hard to hide what I thought were my flaws,
Do you agonise over making decisions? Have you been finding it difficult to prioritise at work, or in your day to day life? Does everything seem like it’s an important decision that you’re afraid to mess up or make the wrong choice?
I used to spend so much time thinking and overthinking about every tiny choice that I felt I needed to make in my life. Whether it was about what to eat,
I was frustrated with my life. On the outside it looked like I was doing pretty well for myself. I was engaged, I had a well-paying job as a manager in a high-end restaurant and I had friends and family who loved me. But I wasn’t happy. My health had taken a backseat to my career and the weight was piling on. I didn’t know what self-care was, instead relying on wine and copious amounts of food to dull the storm of emotions that I was feeling underneath my smile.
I used to feel ashamed to ask for help. It didn’t matter whether it was a simple kind of help like asking someone to take the trash out, or a more complex kind of help, like asking someone if I could just talk to them about a problem. Either way was so uncomfortable for me, and so scary. Even if I felt like things were falling apart in my life, I would try anything and everything else first before seeking help.
Have you ever set out with the best of intentions for tomorrow, believing that tomorrow you will feel better, you’ll have more energy, more drive, more clarity and more motivation than today? Tomorrow, you promise yourself, you will get things done. It will be the best day ever and all the things you’ve been putting off will finally be out of your hair. But that’s usually where it stops right? You think and think and think about it until there’s nothing left to do but take action.
Everyone knows those moments in a conversation, where suddenly there’s a break in the flow, and a pause in the breath, while each of you waits for the other to say something clever. Maybe you take a sip from your empty glass, or avert your eyes whilst searching your brain for something quick to fill the awkward space. It feels like forever, until someone breaks the silence with an offer of more wine, a stiff laugh or bringing the talk back to noticing the weather.
Do you feel constantly on edge, stressed out and like no one “Gets you”? Do you ever think “I don’t need anyone” or “The only person you can trust is yourself” or “Everyone is out for themselves”? I used to feel like I couldn’t trust anyone, not deeply. Sure, I had friends and family members that I could talk to, but I didn’t feel like I could truly be vulnerable with them. I was afraid that I’d be let down,
Have you ever watched someone else start their own business, excel in a sport or a job role and noticed that you felt a little bit negative about it? Even if you really wanted to be happy and excited for them, something inside you felt like picking at their success. Maybe someone else got the promotion or the role that you wanted, or the kids, the house, the looks, the apparent happiness that you wanted.
Do you get irritated or angry when things don’t go the way you’d like or expect, whether it’s at home, at work, with your health or day to day living? Have you ever snapped at your loved ones in a moment of anger, immediately feeling guilty about it afterwards? Ever started a fight with your partner for no reason, or forgot why you were arguing half way through, but you just kept going anyway? Do you blame others for the situations you find yourself in?
I used to be a master procrastinator. In fact, I was so good at procrastinating that I could put anything off. I wasn’t proud of this however, and it definitely was affecting my health, my relationships and my career. But I didn’t know what to do about it, until I finally learned that I was just creating more and more pain for myself, when I didn’t have to. I didn’t need to feel so uncomfortable.
Are you someone who loves change and embraces chaos, or do you tend to like to know what’s about to happen and have a plan way in advance? What do you do when things don’t go to plan or don’t match up with the changes that you expected? Life can sometimes throw out some big life changes that we don’t anticipate, until we’re right in the middle of them. What do you do then? Whether it’s a relationship that’s ended,
These days you will often find me speaking to large groups of people at meet-ups, webinars, hangouts and sometimes from stage. It is something I really enjoy and love to do, but in the very beginning, before I even had a business, it was a challenge. A long time ago, I used to plan events in the hospitality industry and I would get stressed out over every little detail. I wanted to make sure that everything was perfect and that it ran smoothly.
Even as a little child, I can remember feeling guilty. Guilty about not doing the “right” thing when I had already been told, or guilty for forgetting something. Sometimes I felt guilty when I noticed that I had more cool toys or fun holidays than some of the other kids, or I would start to blame myself if I forgot someone’s birthday or didn’t get the best marks in class. As I got older, this guilt followed me when I saw people who were not as accomplished as I was,
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been interested in what makes people confident, successful and happy in life. I’ve read so many books on the topic than I can count on my fingers and toes, and I’ve continuously invested in myself by doing courses and training in human behaviour, how the mind works, emotions and success strategies. I really enjoyed reading biographies about people who had already achieved success in many areas of their lives.
I used to feel alone almost all the time. Even in public.You know that saying “lonely in a crowd”? That was how I felt. Have you ever felt that when you’re by yourself, you just don’t feel content? Even if you’re an introvert like I am, even though you might like to have your own space, sometimes it can feel lonely. Have you ever been out to dinner with friends, a family gathering or hanging out in the break room at work,
When I was little, I used to hate it when my parents would argue or when my friends didn’t get along. I would take it upon myself to make them feel better, or find a way to try and “fix” the situation. My teachers said I was a “sensitive soul” who often took on other people’s feelings as my own. I kept on doing this throughout my life, and in the beginning it seemed to work for me,
Have you ever really wanted to do something but didn’t follow through or even start? Do you have this feeling that you know you can be and do more than you are? Have you ever felt trapped in the roles that you play throughout life, never feeling as if you are fully expressing yourself, or truly bringing your whole self to the table? I was at a point where I couldn’t help but wonder, what happened to all the things that I was going to be,
A long time ago, I was feeling lost and lacking direction. I couldn’t put my finger on just one thing, as I had a lot going on at the time. I was experiencing issues in my relationship even though we’d just got engaged. I was unhappy in my career, not sure if it was the right path for me or even what I wanted to do instead. I was also overweight and too busy to put in the time or effort to go to the gym and cook at home,
For years I suffered from this problem. “I don’t mind” “What do you want to do?” “No, you decide”. Have you ever been around one of those people, or, are you one yourself? Being so indecisive that you just never make a decision.
I used to suffer from this infliction, which frustrated my friends and family, but most of all, it frustrated me. It meant that I never actually got to do what it was that I wanted to do.
Do you ever wish you could just be yourself? Do you feel like you portray yourself differently to the outside world compared to who you are on the inside? Do you feel like you are “false” or “a fraud”?
If you do, you are not alone. I used to believe that certain personality traits were “good” and others were “bad” or just not valuable. As a small child I was emotional, living in my feelings and very vulnerable.
Do you find it almost impossible to feel like you’ve done a good job? If you get praise from a friend or work colleague, do you brush it aside? Is nothing you do ever good enough for YOU? Having impossible standards and in many cases not even knowing what your standards are, can be a constant source of pain. On one hand you want praise and recognition and on the other hand you push it away,
Do you put up emotional walls between yourself and others? Do you find that you automatically push people away if they get too close because you want to protect yourself? Have you ever been in a relationship but you found a way to sabotage it as soon as you started to feel too connected? I did all of those things. Ironically, all I wanted was to have more connected, quality relationships, whether it was with friends,
When I was younger, it felt really important for me to feel in control all the time. I didn’t like uncertainty or when things did not go to plan. And definitely do not surprise me for my birthday! I used to plan my day minute by minute. I literally had a schedule for the day where I would schedule the time to get things done, but also all the little things like brushing my teeth and getting dressed or cleaning up.
I used to worry about every little thing, and I filled my brain with so many thoughts that I couldn’t distinguish between what was important and what wasn’t. As a result, decision making was a real challenge and sometimes I would spend so much energy agonising of something as simple as what to order on the menu. Have you ever done this before? Do you struggle to make decisions in your daily life, or feel like you’ve got so much going on in your mind that you don’t know which things have priority over others?
Do you struggle with self-worth or low self esteem? Do you have those moments when it feels like nothing you do seems to matter? Have you ever been caught up in those thoughts that tell you that you’re no good or you’re not good enough? I used to think this way, and those sorts of thoughts just kept going round and round in my head, until I actually start to believe them.
Maybe you notice it most at work,
Are you like I used to be? Do your thoughts seem to constantly be plagued with more negative thoughts than positive ones? Do you find yourself constantly finding fault with everything, and even if you don’t say it out loud, you’re thinking it?
I’m a little embarrassed to say, I used to find fault with everything. If it was a beautiful sunny day, ‘I might get burnt’. If we were going to the beach,
Do you ever get frustrated? Annoyed by life and its problems? Do you tend to blame everyone else for your problems? Maybe you keep remembering and reliving times from your childhood, and it’s still affecting your life, your career, your health or your relationships even today. Maybe your partner left you and your relationship with your kids has been affected, or you were made redundant and haven’t found another job yet.
For years I used to blame others whenever anything didn’t go to plan in my life and it left me feeling frustrated and stuck.
Are you usually late or punctual? Do you deliver your tasks for the day on time? Are you able to accomplish everything that you need to accomplish? Do you have an achievable to-do list or an never-ending list? Do you get stressed easily and overwhelmed by all that you feel you need to do?
I used to feel like I was wasting so much time. I had so much to do and never enough time to do it in.
I get it. I used to come home from work each day thinking things like ‘Life sucks,’ Work sucks,’ ‘I can’t do anything right,’ ‘Everyone hates me,’ ‘Nothing ever goes my way’. But if someone had asked me how my day was, I’d casually reply ‘Oh I’m just having one of those days’. As if it wasn’t affecting me as much as I really felt it was.
But really, every time I said these words to myself or thought how horrible my day was,
Have you ever really stopped to think about where you are at in life? Often people jump from meeting to meeting or moment to moment, without so much as a pause. There is always a distraction or something or someone that wants your attention. How often do we stop and consider what we really want, not just in this moment but in the future, the next 5 years, 10 years or 30 years. I can remember a time when just thinking about the next 3 months was a challenge,
Mornings for me used to be hitting the snooze button and trying to stay in bed as long as possible, fantasising about how life could’ve been. That was way easier than facing the day. I just wanted to escape the monotony of getting up, going to work, going home, watching TV and going to bed.
I remember there being certain moments in my life that I could’ve made a change and I didn’t.
I know that life isn’t meant to be easy, but I really used to struggle every day. I’d struggle to get out of bed every morning or go to work in a job I didn’t enjoy. I was shy and found it hard to meet new people. I wanted to be dating, but that was just too much to handle.
Once in a blue moon I’d get the courage to go on a date,
Do you ever get the feeling that you are not good enough and that it doesn’t matter what you do because someone else is doing it better, has done it first or they have an opinion about what you are doing? The disappointment of not meeting your own, or a loved ones expectations can be difficult and lead to less than positive feelings. I was so sensitive to others opinions of me that it didn’t matter whether it was at work,
Do you find yourself getting irritable for almost no reason? Or do you find yourself suddenly feeling down without knowing why? If you are feeling these emotions and you don’t know the reasons behind them, don’t think that you’re losing your grip. There are a lot of factors that can influence going through an emotional roller coaster ride, and sometimes, these factors go by unnoticed.
It wasn’t like I wanted to be cranky.
The magazines, movies, advertisements weren’t exactly telling the truth. I thought that if I drank their drink I’d be happy. If I wore certain clothes I’d get the man of my dreams, or if I followed a certain diet I’d lose weight. I grew up believing that I could have the dream relationship, get married, have children, live in a beautiful home in a prestigious suburb, be the perfect weight and have a fulfilling career while holidaying in beautiful locations.
I used to doubt myself all the time. I had a running commentary in my head telling me all the things that I couldn’t do, that I wasn’t good at or that I’d never be good at. Have you ever stopped yourself from trying something because you listened to those doubtful thoughts? I used to let them stop me all the time, until one day someone asked me a question that changed my entire perspective.
Have you ever felt as if other people take you for granted or that whatever you do it’s never good enough? For me, it used to be feeling that I wasn’t worthy or valuable, as if I had nothing of value to contribute to the world. It wasn’t something I noticed immediately, it was a feeling that grew over time. I thought that by always saying yes to people I was helping them out. At work,
I used to get so frustrated over the most minor things. One moment I’d be fine, I’d feel like I was keeping it together and then all of a sudden woosh! This emotion would rush up inside of me and I’d find myself speaking harshly or fussing about something like stubbing my toe or missing the train as if it was the end of the world.
If you’re anything like I used to be,
I used to hate being alone. It was when I was alone that I would find myself thinking of the things that were not working in my life. I’d feel scared that no-one loved me, that no-one would EVER love me and that no-one cared.
I used to do anything not to be alone. Anything to distract myself from less than great thoughts and emotions, from feeling uncomfortable or from tough conversations. I found so many ways to distract myself from life but all the while I was still focusing on that feeling of aloneness.
How many times has the New Year rolled around and you’ve got so excited about all the awesome new habits you’ll do for the next year? You’ll start learning a new language, take dance lessons, start eating healthy, get a personal trainer, begin that course you’ve been talking about, work your butt off and get a raise, travel overseas and save 10% of your paycheck whilst having the relationship of your dreams with the perfect guy or girl.
Do you tend to imagine the best case scenario of who you can be? Do you picture having the ideal engaging conversation with a friend or on a date, being the perfect, considerate and understanding parent? What about successfully completing a project or improving your interactions with a boss or colleague at work? Perhaps you imagine going to the gym everyday and working out easily and effortlessly?
But then there are those times when reality doesn’t match up to the scenario in your mind.
Have you ever felt like something is missing from your life? You’re getting up each day to go through the motions and smile and do all the things you feel you’re supposed to do, but it’s just not enough. You know there has to be more to life, but something keeps holding you back from getting it. Maybe you tell yourself to stop dreaming and to suck it up and get on with it like everyone else seems to.
Do you ever want to make an amazing first impression so much, that you start to overthink it? Have you felt the pressure of wanting to put your best foot forward so much, that you start to put unrealistic expectations of perfection on yourself? Whether you’re dating, going to an interview or you simply want to meet new people, make some new friends or talk to someone you admire, have you been putting it off because it’s too hard?
The truth is we all need to make decisions, but we don’t. We avoid it.
I was like many people. In the past, I’d never stopped to think about how much my decisions (or indecision) were shaping my life. I realised that my indecision was holding me back in virtually all areas of my life. It was stunting my progress and I was feeling stuck.
How I Use To Be
If you’re anything like I used to be,
Do you sometimes feel as if you’re just cruising through life on autopilot? You get up, go to work, make small talk with your colleagues, come home, eat dinner, sit on the couch and try to switch yourself off as you switch on the TV. Weekends are for sleeping in and catching up with friends but they never seem long enough. A part of you knows there’s more to life, but it’s easier to dream about it than to feel vulnerable facing it in real life right?
Do you protect yourself by keeping a safe distance from people or pushing them away? Have you noticed that you tend to have your guard up when meeting new people and you want to feel more at ease? Do you want to have deeper and more meaningful connections with people, but you’re holding yourself back? Do you want to let people in and increase the quality of connections you make, whether it’s with your friends,
Have you ever felt emotionally drained? Maybe even a little exhausted? Like you are giving to everyone else but not to yourself? Your friends, relatives, your brother, your sisters, your mum or your dad. Even people at work seem to be taking from you. Maybe you feel like you want or need to help them, but instead of feeling better for it, you’ve been feeling worse.
Sometimes you can hang out with friends and you start out feeling really good,
I was lucky I guess. I had an amazing family growing up. I had everything. Well, not everything I ever wanted, we weren’t super rich, but we weren’t poor either. I grew up in the country. I had a yard to play in, I had enough clothes to wear, I could go to the movies and out bowling. We had dinner on the table every night. I had parents who loved me, and I had an older brother to teach me.
How many times do you catch yourself saying yes to something you don’t really want to do? Going out with friends when you really want to stay in and have an early night. Helping someone move house when you have a project or assignment due. Going to dinner with family or friends when you would prefer to spend the money on something else. Picking up the phone and listening to a friend talk about the things going on in their life when you have things you of your own to deal with.
How many times do you look at everything you have to do but you just can’t be bothered, and maybe you even think or say to yourself ‘I don’t have the energy!’? There’s so much to do every day, work is draining – it feels like all you have the energy to do is get up, go to work, come home, eat, sleep and repeat.
It’s so easy to stop doing the things we enjoy and get stuck in the rut of doing what ‘needs to be done’.
What do you do when things don’t go as expected? How do you pick yourself up again and start over? Sometimes we start over because we choose to, but sometimes it can be because things didn’t work out the way we thought they would. Whether it’s a relationship that’s ended, a job, school or uni, moving cities, changing gyms, or friends moving away and we want to start finding new people to hang out with.
When you’re focussed, everything seems to flow and come together neatly. But when you’re not focussed, you find yourself thinking of five things at once and you end up being so preoccupied with everything that you still need to do, that you end up missing the turn off when you’re on your way home. Sound familiar?
Have you ever missed appointments, evenings with friends or stopped doing the things you love because you’re trying to get everything else done?
We face problems everyday; small things like “What if I’m late for work?” “Can I have a burger for lunch today, or should I stick to a salad?”, but we also face more prominent issues like “What if I don’t like my new job?” or “What if I don’t have enough money for bills?”.
There is uncertainty in life all the time. Things are changing and you’re not always going to be sure what will happen next.
I used to think that celebrating was only for birthdays, weddings, engagements, births and so on. Until I discovered that celebrating the little things everyday was important, I didn’t just start feeling more positive emotions, I started to get more done, and started enjoying doing things I used to hate!!! It was incredible, like a secret weapon to productivity.
The feeling of celebrating is an emotion that many people save for certain times in their life.
Have you ever decided that you wanted to get fit? So much so, that you even went to the gym, bought the membership and now it’s sitting unused in the drawer? The personal trainers haven’t worked, the New Year’s resolutions abandoned, and the excuses kept adding up.
If that sounds like you, then you are not alone. The journey to health and fitness isn’t easy. It makes sense that getting fit includes exercise but it’s so hard to get momentum.
Have you ever found yourself wanting to be brave in a moment? Did you ever wish you could feel a little stronger when you’re walking into a room of people you don’t know, or showing up at a job interview? Ever wanted to stand up to someone at work, or speak your mind to a family member? Even something as seemingly little as meeting a personal trainer or going to a new gym class might require a bit of bravery.
Do you know of people who seem to go out all the time or who decide to do something, like learn to surf, get fit, learn Spanish, get a new job, and just go do it. Sometimes we have been hurt and so we put up a protection mechanism to prevent us being hurt again. It’s like there’s a part of you that doesn’t feel safe, feels nervous, and gets worried about things. It can mean it prevents us from going out and experiencing life.
Are you like I used to be and find it difficult talking to new people, difficult to start a conversation easily? I see people all the time starting conversations easily. On the bus or tram, in job interviews or on a first date, but I used to struggle.
I was so shy and unconfident. I had a few friends, but I thought it might make it easier for me to enjoy going to the gym,
I used to feel like the positive emotions I experienced were quiet, and the negative emotions and thoughts in my head were turned up loud. It was definitely the wrong way round. Sometimes the good emotions like happy, fun, joy, passion were so quiet I’d miss them. I didn’t even realise they were there to feel, until I looked back at experiences with friends or family and realised that they were really good times. I felt like I’d missed out.
Why is it that other people keep going, and I just want to give up? It’s easier to sit on the couch, rather than getting up and going on a date. Sometimes, it feels like you’re getting nowhere.
I never realised that I was resilient. I felt weak and like my life was going round in circles. When things got tough, I felt like stopping. I remember asking ‘Why me?’ ‘Why does it seem like everyone else is in a relationship,
Most people have felt the pressure at one time or another, to conform to what others think, or to do better, be better. It might be an external pressure, or internal pressure, either way it can make the little things in life harder to do.
Life can be difficult enough as it is. We have pressure to grow up, on how to dress to fit in (or to stand out), what to say (or not say),
We all feel regret at some stage in life….
The way the relationship ended, or not approaching someone you are interested in, regretting saying something to a friend or partner, missed opportunities in your career, not looking after your health better.
Regret is when we have “what if’s” when we believe what we look back on in certain moments and situations as having been bad choices. We can also regret feelings,
My favorite question to ask people, when I first meet them is “What do you like to do for fun?”.
More often than I expect, I get the response “Hmmm, I don’t know”, or I hear that they used to have fun, but life got in the way, no time, no money, and the excuses start piling up.
Do you find that you get distracted, with your job, kids, family, friends, doing things for others?
Self doubt holds us back, keeps us safe, keeps us where we are. It gives us a reason to turn down the invitation for a date, a reason not to go to the gym, keeps us in the same job we do easily for years and years, not reaching for the promotion or change to something more fulfilling
Many of us doubt ourselves… a lot.
• Wanting to go on dates and no-one is accepting?
Oh my goodness, this is so me. I am the queen of feeling socially awkward!
I feel like I say the wrong thing all the time, at least, I certainly used to. Nowadays, the people I meet cannot believe that I used to struggle in social situations.
I would avoid parties and group functions. If there was a likelihood of there being more than three people at an event, then chances were, I wouldn’t go.
It’s that feeling that things are not quite right, like more things go wrong than not. It’s not a deep sadness, just a ‘down’ feeling. Dissatisfied with life and the cards you’ve been dealt, underwhelmed by your career, health or relationship. A feeling like you’re just going through the motions of getting up, going to work, going home and sleeping, then doing it all over again. Almost like living life in black and white rather than technicolour.
Life is busy. There’s so much to do. Go to work, pay the bills, catch up with family and friends, plan ahead, not to mention all the apps on our phones with notifications every few minutes letting us know what someone posted on Facebook. We have an event coming up or have to make sure you rsvp to your friends birthday, emails, SMS, Snapchat. The list goes on and on.
How technology affects us
There was a time before technology got as advanced as it is,
Do you find that you stay at home rather than going out? Do you say to yourself you don’t like people, but maybe the truth is that you’re not sure what to say when you meet someone new, or how to meet new people?
Do you find that you feel shy at times and it can affect other areas of your life, like your career? That you stay in the same job when really you’d love to do something different or would love to try a different role at your workplace,
Have you ever felt like you’re heading in the right direction towards your goals in your career? Or maybe you’re on your way to reaching the next level in your health, or in your relationship? And then BAM, something happens that prevents you from reaching that next level. Sometimes you don’t notice it straight away. Time passes and you look back and realise you’ve gotten to a certain point and hit a plateau. And if you were honest with yourself,
Do you cry easily? Does it feel like the tears are just under the surface, waiting to erupt, or fall silently when you get in trouble at work or when something doesn’t go the way you’ve planned? Maybe you get angry quickly & snap at work colleagues or worse, your family & friends? What about guilt? Do you feel guilty about all the little things, missing a birthday, forgetting someone’s name? The thing is, over time these emotions can stack up and sit there,
‘Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get’. A quote made famous by the movie Forrest Gump. It sounds exciting but do you find that the opposite can also be true? Do you find yourself stuck in the same routine of getting up, going to work, going home, eating dinner, going to bed and then doing that over and over again? Is it getting a bit old? Has it been old for a while?
Do you find that you have those little pangs of guilt every now and again, like when you forget somebody’s name? Somebody introduces themselves, you have a conversation with them and then at the end of the night, you totally forget their name. They say goodbye and say your name and your left floundering and feeling terrible.
Do you say to yourself that you are terrible at remembering names? What about when you’ve forgotten a birthday or an anniversary,
Have you ever found yourself looking at your life? Maybe looking at where you’re living, what job you’re in, looking at your partner and maybe your kids, your friends and maybe even looking at yourself in the mirror wondering how did I get here? “This isn’t what I pictured my life to look like” “This is not where I thought I would be right now”.
Are you confused about what you are going to do next in your life?
Do you feel lonely? Have you ever been surrounded by people but you don’t feel like you connect with them, whether they are friends from school or from work or even family? What they’re saying doesn’t really resonate with you anymore?
Have you started wondering that the way you live life, the people you hang out with, the activities you do, used to make sense, but it feels like maybe it doesn’t make so much sense anymore?
Have you ever caught yourself saying “It’s Not Fair” when a colleague gets promoted ahead of you (and you were more qualified!)? Is this followed quickly by the thought “Why does this always happen to me?” “Everyone else gets the opportunities, the raise, the happy marriage, the good metabolism (you know the one where you can eat anything and not get fat), but not me!” “Why is it so easy for everyone else but it’s a struggle for me?”
It’s not fair!
There are times in our life that we are asked to be courageous. It may be something big like asking your partner to marry you, travelling on your own for the first time, or speaking in front of a crowd. But what about the small and everyday moments of courage? These matter too! You might not know that they all add up and contribute to a knowing that you can have courage in any moment you choose.
Have you ever found yourself sitting at home on your own while your friends are out and thought, ‘What would it be like to be confident’? What would it be like to be able to go for that job interview (for that dream job), to walk through the doors of a new gym, to travel to a new country or to speak up in a crowd without a million thoughts going through your head.
Why is it so easy for some people but not for you?
Do you just feel like you’re going around and round and round in circles and find that you don’t have time to do what you want? Maybe you’re doing lots of things for other people; hours and hours at work and missing going out with friends, or you’re doing everything for your friends and not finding time for yourself.
When it comes to doing the things that you know you should do, have you found yourself scheduling things that are important to you,
Have you ever felt embarrassed? Are all of your friends in relationships and you often don’t go out with them because you feel like you’re a third wheel?
Have you ever said something and just blurted it out and you hear yourself saying this crazy thing and go “What was I thinking?”. You feel that warmth in your cheeks and you feel like everyone’s looking at you!
Maybe you feel you don’t have the same standard of job that everyone else has,
So there I was, sitting miserable, on my couch. For years, I’d been doing my absolute best to do well in life. I had made every effort, I’d tried everything, but nothing had ever worked out. I was single. I was lonely. I didn’t feel there was anybody I could turn to, so I isolated myself. That way I could prove to myself that no one cared.
Nobody cared. Nobody loved me. There was no way out.
How would you like to be cool with expressing exactly what you want to express… when you want to? I remember when I thought that I couldn’t. When I thought that I wasn’t good enough…
Afraid, uncertain, no backbone. Scared of what people thought of me. Making decisions and choices based on what other people would think, rather than what I actually wanted in my life. I did what I thought was right to try and fit in,
Do you feel like there’s something missing, like when you’re talking to someone? Then you notice you don’t know what that is, it just doesn’t feel right?
I remember many times when I was with my partner, and she’d tell me that I wasn’t there with her. This one time, we just had an awesome date: movies, dinner, talking about our week and she said it to me… I was thinking to myself,
Every day, I would look out the window as I travelled on my long journey home after work… thinking there must be something more to my life…but what is it? What is it that there is something more of – to locate, to find, to search, to create? And I knew that I was worth more than this – but how on earth do I find it? Where do I go? What do I do?
Actually, I never knew what life was about when I was younger. I just wanted to have fun by laughing, playing, being a ‘tomboy,’ as I was called so unmistakably, in my younger days. Growing up was super fun; so I thought at that time…
Gradually, life became more difficult for me after I turned 13. Things happened to me and although life went on, I just kept myself happy and enjoyed life with my friends,
Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough, not good looking enough, not smart enough? Maybe you have not been satisfied in relationships, or not good enough to get that raise at work…and sometimes it can really get you down. The effects can last a long time and be quite devastating and depressing. The fact that you have to ‘pretend’ to be doing great makes everything worse, too.
I felt this way for most of my life.
Have you ever felt like your life was just going through the motions? That you are spending way too much time on your days; which are drifting by, floating away… Sometimes you are doing the things that others around you suggest you should do. Just because it is ‘expected.’ On and on it goes… following trends, exhausting yourself; because it is expected of you. The worst part is that – on the outside; everyone thinks you are exceptionally happy,
I used to wake up each morning; contemplating whether it was worth the effort to get out of bed and go to work that day. It wasn’t that I was depressed, it’s that I was so unbelievably jacked off at the cards life had dealt me. I was that seething in my own cesspool of anger; it felt like a way of getting revenge; for circumstances that riled me. Sometimes, life throws you a curve ball and you strike out,
So, I found myself hiding away, distracting myself at any cost; so I could tell people I was way, way too busy. Too busy to give out, interact, join in and generally, just have fun! I even used my kids as an excuse to hide away from men, and I certainly did not date, ever!
I remember this one guy coming up to me at a bar and saying, “Hi!” I totally freaked out,
Have you ever felt as though something was missing in your life but you couldn’t put your finger on what the problem was? Yep, a feeling in your gut that something is off and not quite right. So, you try for a while; weeks, months or maybe even years to figure out what that thing is – that could be the answer to whatever it is that you’re feeling is missing. I’ve been in this place before.
At what point do we decide what our value is? When do we accept this idea or concept of what it means to be worthy? Someone’s affection, a nice car, a good job, loving parents? When do we expect those around us to form their own idea of their true self-worth? And when do we see our own? How many heartaches, heartbreaks and negative circumstances will bring us to understand this?
If I had really understood this concept I may have been so much more…it may not have stopped me from doing whatever I wanted to do.
I was at the point in my life where I was really stuck and I needed to find a way out. I was eating way too much. I was really overweight. I had a relationship with a great girl and it was doing ok, you know there was love…but it could’ve been a lot better. It’s funny, I don’t feel the same connection with this guy; it’s like it’s someone else. But this was all I knew,
My breakthrough came at a very pivotal time in my life and I’ve never looked back. I can still touch on some of the emotions and the situations that I found myself in before but they no longer rule my life.
I spent my whole life as a teacher and I’ve learned all the different skills that I use. My teaching is gone through the roof with regards to my interaction with the children and the ability to lead them.
I used to feel really unhappy inside myself. Life was quite lonely without a partner, especially on Friday Night when everybody is hanging out. If I’m not hanging out with friends I feel quite lonely and I have nobody to share my life with. I used to live inside my head and I think I made different barriers for myself. The reason why I’m not going for a new relationship is.. I’m thinking what my parents want.
Most of my life I was caught up in my head, stuck into a computer kind of, looking at the wall for different words that were code, like some sort of logical thing that I could think my way around that I could, approach of people as though they were computers. That was really the only way I thought that I could communicate to people. I was completely missing the emotional component the, the connection,
So you’re probably in a place where you’re not sure who to trust. And who am I? I’m nobody. I’m sitting in front of you and telling you a story about how I used to be. And who are you to believe that? Cause seriously you get told stories every day. And people tell you stuff everyday and say this is how I used to be or try to spin the story but all I can say is that I was there and it took a long time for somebody to come along who said to me the thing that made a difference to me.
Why do you wake up in the morning? And…do you start your day with a bang? Are you being grateful for: the gifts in your life, a roof over your head, food on the table, a warm cosy chair. And how lucky you are, to even be alive! I know that many people around the world today are not so lucky. Some of them do not have; a home, food, shelter, or family. Imagine that,
It’s funny, growing up I was always surrounded by strong male influences. From a young age, I started hanging around the Rugby Club with my ‘old man.’ And through my own playing career, I was always conditioned to block out all emotions and feelings. At the time, I never really noticed. And I noticed, ever so slowly, I was putting up a brick wall around me, like a reinforced shield; not letting any emotion from others in.